Siddhartha 3

Siddhartha’s relationship with his son fascinated me the most out of everything I read in Hesse’s book. Here we follow the path of a man who spends all of his energy searching, trying to better himself. And yet, he has a son who – possibly because of his father’s constant searching – has absolutely no desire to do as his father does or even do as his father wants. We see the young Siddhartha commonly treat his father with undisguised disdain and rage, for instance when he screams at his father, “Get the brushwood for yourself! I’m not your servant,” (Hesse, 115). Yet, his father loves him so much that he refuses to discipline him or do anything other than hope his son’s life will turn around, at least in the beginning. “He sensed quite strongly that this blind love for his son was a passion, something very human,”notes the novel, and it is also noted that Siddhartha believes that, “this pleasure also must be atoned for,” (Hesse, 114). Through all of this, Siddhartha’s son continues to be a character rather hated by the reader (well, at least by me), especially when it is noted, “the son let [Siddhartha] commit foolish acts, let him court his affection while Siddhartha humiliated himself every day by giving in to the boy’s moods,” (Hesse, 114).

That’s why, when I came across the question, “If your life were to end now what would the torch represent that you would pass on to the next generation?” after reading through the Project Four Instructions, (P4 Instructions), I immediately began to consider Siddhartha’s quest to be a good father to his son who, disillusioned with Siddhartha’s and his life and friendships with the ferrymen, rebels against his father. Siddhartha “understood that his son did not know him, and that he could not live him like a father,” (Hesse, 109) and yet he did not know how to mold the boy into the kind of man Siddhartha felt he should grow up to be, for “he slowly saw and also understood that the eleven-year-old boy was pampered, that he was a mother’s boy, and that he had grown up with the habits of wealthy people,” (Hesse, 109).

Our course goals describe attempting leadership as “accept[ing] this responsibility [of leading] and to truly be an agent for positive change,” (Course Goals). Siddhartha was incredibly concerned with bringing about positive change for his son, about passing on the torch of his newly enlightened life into his son’s own and not sending his son into the world to make the same mistakes Siddhartha himself had. When I read this I could not help thinking about all the pushy "stage mothers" I have seen in my time as a competitive swimmer. Luckily for me, neither of my parents were particularly obsessed with my swimming career, for they only wanted me to be as happy and well-rounded as I could be. But, being in the sport at such a young age, I saw plenty of horror stories of mothers who bribed their children with money, stuffed animals, even Disneyland tickets if their children swam fast in a meet. However, if the child performed poorly, the mothers would go into a rage. This left the kids - many of them my close friends - hating the sport of swimming because they felt as though their mom's love was tied to whether or not they could swim fast. The pressure of it all sucked all of the fun out of swimming for them. I later realized that many of these parents were themselves former swimmers or athletes who wanted their children to have the life they had. or, even more dangerous, they were parents who never got as good at swimming as their children did and saw their kids as a perfect proxy through which they could re-live their lives as athletes. Most of them didn't mean any harm, they simply wanted better for their kids than they had growing up. But, rather than allow their kids to grow on their own, their pushing could lead to serious scars - some of which, as was the case for one of my closest friends whose mother pushed her too hard to be a good swimmer, last long into their college and adult years.("Stage mothers" as they are known in athletics, attempted to live vicariously through their own kids. Siddhartha exemplifies a little of this, I think. image courtesy of:http://www.wowowow.com/files/imagecache/300x/2008_0904_shutterstock_stagemom.jpg).

“How am I going to put him, who doesn’t have a tender heart anyways, into this world? Won’t he become enthusiastic, lose himself to pleasure and power, repeat all of his father’s mistakes, and get entirely lost in Samsara?” Sidhartha worried aloud to the ferryman at one point (Hesse, 112). However, the reality of it was, the problem was not in the boy’s view of the world, but in his view of Siddhartha. The young Siddhartha sees his father’s attempts to fulfill what we are taught to fulfill in our course goals: “to think for your self, decreasing reliance on secondary sources, practicing what is known as active, experiential or discovery learning,” (Course Goals). However, instead of seeing his father’s quest as a noble one, he is young, naïve, and self-centered enough to think that his father is simply trying to seek self-awareness and the ability to think for himself in order to punish his son. Said the boy to his father, “I do know, however, that you won’t dare hit me; I know that you constantly want to punish me and subdue me with your religion devotion and indulgence. You want me to become just as devout, soft, and wise as you!” (Hesse, 115).

It is only when his son runs away that Siddhartha is able to sever the poisonous tie that he has with his son and allows the boy to do what is most important to his well-being – let him make his own mistakes. Vasudeva helps Siddhartha come to this conclusion when he questions him, “Do you think, my friend, that anyone is spared from this path? That, perhaps, your little son would be spared because you love him and want to keep him from suffering, pain, and disappointment? But even if you would die ten times for him, you would not be able to take even the slightest part of his destiny upon yourself,” (Hesse, 113). Siddhartha realizes then, as he looks back on his own younger years and sees himself with Kamala, living and learning and making choices that would set him on the path he is today, that the way he can be a true leader to his son is by letting him go. He had spent so long worrying that he must set the perfect example for his son – and that he must make sure his son subscribed to the same theories of life that he did – so as to ensure that Siddhartha would pass on the “right” torch to his boy.(Siddhartha found himself so focused on setting a good example for his son that he didn't realize that it was his own actions that were causing his son to resent him - and to choose the exact OPPOSITE path of his father. image courtesy of: http://www.thepracticeofleadership.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/walkthewalk-thumb.jpg). Through this, he forgot what made him grow up as a boy and forgot how important it was for him to find his OWN path – on his own. To come full circle with our course goals, what I took this to mean that there is more than one type of leader and more than one form of leadership. Siddhartha had to learn that the hard way and, if Vasudeva was correct, so would his son.