Black Elk Speaks 2

Ever since I read a couple of students’ opinions in this class on the similarities between Black Elk Speaks and the motion picture Avatar, I have been fascinated with the parallels between the two stories. Both tell stories of a native people extremely in touch with and grateful for the nature around them. Both are about a nation of individuals misunderstood by those groups of people around them and both threatened by those groups. Both nations are very spiritual, filled with gratitude and reference for their ancestors who came before them. As a result of this, in my own mind I have created the same visual picture of the world in which Black Elk lives, hunts, and despairs in as the world of Pandora in Avatar. Let me tell you, it has made Black Elk Speaks that much more of a great read for me, because I feel like the story itself is even better when I picture him riding a huge, majestically blue horse in 3D!(I'll be honest, Black Elk Speaks is a much better read when you picture all the action happening in a beautiful place like the setting in Avatar. image courtesy of:http://www.scifiscoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/avatar_new_1.jpg). But, I digress. I wanted to speak now about a couple of my favorite similarities between our reading tonight and Black Elk Speaks. The examples I cite are not necessarily the most obvious examples nor the most important, some might argue. They are simply the instances in which I felt that the scene in Black Elk Speaks fit perfectly with the Avatar-esque 3D vision in my head.

“Before this, the medicine men would not talk to me, but now they would come to me to talk about my vision,” Black Elk says in the excerpt (Black Elk Speaks, xx). As soon as I read that these Native American peoples had medicine men, I was transported back to Avatar and reminded of the Navi character Mo’at – the Navi’s spiritual leader and Neytiri’s (a main Avatar character with whom the main human character Jake Sully falls in love) mother. She was the sort of “medicine [wo]man” of the Navi people – reminding me again of James Cameron’s attempts to make the human’s view of Navi relatable to old and outdated caucasian views of Native American’s. (This is a picture of the character Mo'at - the Navi's unofficial medicine woman. image courtesy of:http://amaliehoward.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Moat-Copy1-150x150.png).

The other portion of Avatar that I felt connected very strongly and uniquely with the story told in Black Elk Speaks was the climax of the movie. In Avatar, the main concern of the Navi was not that they themselves were going to be potentially killed by the humans, but thattheir nature, their land, and especially their “tree of souls” would be destroyed. This instantly reminded me of the quote in Black Elk Speaks that says, “If a man or woman or child dies, it does not matter long, for the nation lives on. It was the nation that was dying, and the vision was for the nation; but I have done nothing with it,” (Black Elk Speaks, xxi). It was the same for the Navi – if their tree of souls, where the links to their ancestors were stored, was destroyed – it would be worse than if they themselves had died. It would wipe out the spiritual connection between themselves and their ancestors, effectively killing their nation. Humans with machine guns, helicopters, and more were coming to attack them and destroy their people but their concern was with the nature and tree surrounding them for they knew that was where the heart of their nation lay. (Human attack was coming to the planet Pandora. image courtesy of:http://venturebeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/avatar-2.jpg). Finally, this sentence reminded me of another important scene in Avatar: Few Tails now told me what I was to do so that the spirits would hear me and make clear my next duty. I was to stand in the middle, crying and praying for understanding," (Black Elk Speaks, xxii). When the fabled human attack did eventually come to Pandora and it seemed that all hope was lost for the Navi, Jake sully performed a similar "hail mary" type of act when he sat beneath the tree of souls and begged for guidance from his ancestors - a request that every single Navi thought was futile. Eventually, however, this tactic worked out in some way for both Black Elk and for Jake.

Black Elk Speaks 1

In this class, we talk about animal cruelty, about compassion, and about how we as humans can make the unified decision to end cruelty to creatues beneath us. We have watched Earthlings, visited PETA demonstrations, some of us have even converted to vegetarianism in an attempt to support our (mostly, ahem, Jose) shared convictions about treating the creatures and land around us with as much respect as possible. I was assigned to read Black Elk Speaks and connect it with what we have learned this class. The excerpts I read were filled with just about everything that goes against what we have learned this year, with sentences like, “When [the bison] went down, I got off my horse and began butchering him myself, and I was very happy,” lining the pages (Black Elk Speaks, xi). However, I could find no room to critique this narrative, no place to take a holier-than-thou stance against the author or those in the story. This is for the simple fact that the Native Americans in the story are experiencing nature and animals in a different way than I could ever imagine and I believe they are doing so in the most respectful way that they can.

I would imagine that many of us who read this sentence: “They were all nearly naked, with their quivers full of arrows hanging on their left sides, and they would ride right up to a bison and shoot him behind the left shoulder. Some of the arrows would go in up to the feathers and sometimes those that struck no bones went right straight through. Everybody was very happy,” are reminded of the image of the butchers and circus trainers in the documentary Earthlings (Black Elk Speaks, vi). These individuals were boisterous, vocal, and many even joyous when it came to hurting or killing helpless animals. I admit, when I first read about the bison hunt described in the excerpts, my heart did beat a little faster out of anger. That’s when I realized – how can I judge these people? They NEED the bison as a way to survive. There is no way around it. No grocery store, no meat packing plant, no vegetarian lifestyle has even been introduced to them. The fact is simple: they need this food, this hunt, to survive. I get pumped up for swim meets by listening to music, nodding my head back and forth as I stretch, and pounding on the starting blocks before my race. If I didn’t do all that, if I didn’t get nervous before a race, and if I didn’t celebrate afterwards then it would probably be a lot harder to be motivated enough to swim fast. That is what I think these Native Americans are doing – pumping themselves up.(I see the Native American's joy after killing bison not as inhumane like the workers in Earthlings were, but merely as elation like an athlete might have after winning a very important match. image courtesy of:http://thumb11.shutterstock.com.edgesuite.net/display_pic_with_logo/58667/58667,1225126464,1/stock-photo-a-young-sporty-asian-tennis-player-screaming-in-joy-of-victory-19563484.jpg). Of course they are going to be excited after killing bison – they are able to survive for one more week on that food. When life is a day-to-day guessing game of whether you are going to have the food to make it through the next week – for you and your family – then I think I can allow myself to be a little more understanding of their predicament. "Now you shall walk the black road with these; and as you walk, all the nations that have roots or legs or wings shall fear you,” a voice tells Black Elk (Black Elk Speaks, vii). I can understand also how this could be read as a lack of respect for the nature and animals around them, but I personally see it as a notion they need to maintain in order to keep up good spirits for hunting. If the Native Americans instill any fear or doubt in one another about their power over their animals – their food – who knows what may happen. I would see unsuccessful hunts in their future, simply because they would be “psyched out”.

This is not to say that they don’t respect their environment in their own way. Black Elk talks about his surroundings in nature with awe when he notes that, Then there was nothing but the air and the swiftness of the little cloud that bore me and those two men still leading up to where white clouds were piled like mountains on a wide blue plain, and in them thunder beings lived and leaped and flashed,” (Black Elk Speaks, iii). They also choose to pray to a “holy tree that should stand in the middle of the dancing circle” – one that reminded me very much of a massive tree in the motion picture Avatar that was used for a similar purpose among a people who also believed, like Black Elk, that their ancestors were the key to understanding the world around them (Black Elk Speaks, viii).(The holy tree in the Black Elk Speaks excerpts reminded me of the Tree of Souls in the movie Avatar, which carries very similar themes and meaning. image courtesy of:http://luckybogey.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/avatar6_185x185_656614a.jpg).

Though I had my doubts originally, I can honestly say I have respect for the story of the people in Black Elk Speaks and I understand their behavior under their unique circumstances. I am grateful for having read and learned about their lifestyle not only because it allows me to appreciate my own but because I believe it can only be good to look at issues I feel strongly about from many different points of view.

My Leadership Vision (P4)

He looks directly into your eyes when he tells you his secret. Your feet are dangling in the nearly scorching hot tub, eyes glued to his face, your finger nervously scratching against the cold cement of the pool as you listen to him weave the story of his hidden life with the life you know, his words interlaced amid embarrassed pauses and tardy apologies. Stale chlorine and leftover cigarette smoke fill the room and you’ve got the distinct feeling that you’re in some sort of really bad soap opera, or at least a reality television show prank. There is simply no way that your best friend of four years is telling you that he is gay as you perch awkwardly on the side of a grungy hotel hot tub at midnight on a Sunday in the middle of San Antonio freaking Texas. “It’s just something I’ve known forever,” he tells you, still looking straight up into your frozen face. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to push it out of my mind, to pretend that it’s not who I am, but it is. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he emphasizes the last bit and grabs your hand for effect. You both notice at the same time that your finger is bleeding; raw from the monotone scratching it’s made against the hard cement of the concrete below you for at least an hour now. You examine it and realize that you don’t feel the pain. You’re numb, maybe. You dip the open sore into the murky water and watch as the blood forms thin ripples around your finger; thick scarlet circles threading into each other wildly, never dissipating. He is talking now about all his experiences, the freedom of finally getting to be himself, of how his coming out over the past few months has made him actually feel whole; you’re not really listening, though, because you can’t. How cruel is the world that you can’t feel your swollen and throbbing finger, but every word he says is piercing through you with a force that actually leaves you struggling to breathe normally? You prefer the pain of your finger. He slows his story as you nod at the right times and offer an encouraging smile when you can, and you know you’ve never seen him this peaceful before in your life. You study him and try to remember how it felt when you didn't know him as anything more than a kid at swim practice. You try to remember how it felt to be around him before you had bonded together, grown together, laughed together through years of middle school and now high school. Like maybe if none of that had happened then none of this would be happening now. And now he’s pausing long enough to allow you a few words, but the only ones your brain can muster are speckled with cliché phrases like, “support you no matter what”, “so proud of you”, “this must be difficult” and you know this has to be some kind of messed up soap opera for real now. The truth is you’re not ready for this, not yet. You need time to process, time to understand, and time to accept. You can’t do any of that right now. You are so happy for him, and you are so proud of him (I am, I am), but you’re also completely unprepared for this.

I wrote the above narrative a couple of days after the incident being described occurred. I was just sixteen years old, incredibly naive, and confused by my friend’s admission that he was gay. I didn’t know what to do so I decided to write about it in my diary. The actual diary entry spans six whole pages of words – some coherent and organized like the paragraph above, others were simply random words, poetic rants, and nonsense. It’s hard for me to go back and read what I wrote during that time not only because I hate to remind myself of my ignorance back then but because it’s hard to remember a time when I was so intensely uncomfortable with myself. I did not like or accept my friend’s confession, and deep down I just could not understand why this was the case. All I knew was that the actual act of sitting down, taking a deep breath, and putting my words to paper was the only thing that made those feelings subside.

Looking back, I am embarrassed at my unwillingness originally to accept that my friend was gay. I have given a lot of thought to why I resisted for so long and I have concluded that much of it is due to my upbringing. I was raised in a Christian church and attended a Christian school from elementary school all the way through 8th grade. There I was taught that not only was homosexuality was a sin, but anyone who supported or accepted the homosexual life was essentially condemning themselves to hell. Though I have a family who does not believe this, my parents never exactly went out of their way to teach me their beliefs on the subject. I struggled for a long time to reconcile what I was taught about homosexuality and what I was supposed to believe as a Christian. I read articles online, watched the news, and talked with friends who had differing opinions on the subject. I got caught up in the debate of whether homosexuality was a choice or a God-given trait - and even considering the latter put my entire view of Christianity in jeopardy. My dad always used to tell me that Jesus’ main mission statement was to teach humanity the concept of love, compassion, and forgiveness. How, then, could I obey what I had been taught as God’s so-called belief about homosexuality being a sin doing as Jesus wanted us to do – love? All of it ended up making my head spin and left me feeling more confused and angry than ever.

Then one day I began to ask myself the questions that really mattered. Why should I condemn my friend simply because of his sexual orientation? Why should I treat him with any less respect than I would a heterosexual friend? That’s when I realized something that changed the way I look at almost everything controversial in this world. I realized that just because my friend was gay (of course, he had been all along, but it was as if he was newly gay to me at the time) didn’t mean he was going to change. I took my thoughts of my own selfish head, stopped considering my own personal beliefs, and began to realize what was going on in the world around me regarding homosexuality. I came to the conclusion that it is simply unconscionable to treat a gay person with any less respect than you would a straight person. I came to the conclusion that it was not right to deny a gay person any rights that you would give a straight person. I came to the conclusion that when it came to homosexuality, I didn’t have to have all the answers to make the right decision. I came to the conclusion that I loved my friend no matter what and I would make it my own personal decision to support him.

We are all equal, I believe. (image courtesy of http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=6691590003341034159).

Of course, this realization took time. Truth be told, my exploration of my beliefs in this area is still not complete. A lot of what has aided me in my quest, however, is what I have learned this year at the University of Texas. Before I began this Plan II World Literature class, I had never been so challenged to put my beliefs in front of people. Leadership – one of the core values of this university and this course – had evaded me prior to taking this class, especially when it came to expressing my own personal beliefs regarding religion, compassion, and the rights of humans and animals. Our almost daily blogs where we were forced to pick a stance and support it – often regarding very hot-button subjects – helped me find the courage to address within myself and to you as a class that I do support homosexuality and want to use my newly acquired leadership skills to take a stance in supporting it. However, I worry that the emphasis this course has placed on STATING MY UNEQUIVOCAL OPINION has made me too self-assured, at times, in my own beliefs. I always want to keep in mind that there is more than one way to look at things and this class sometimes instills in me the opposite - that whatever I believe in enough to write a blog about must be true. I need to be careful of this hindrance to my ability to lead clearly and fairly.

Another class that has aided me this year was my freshman TC: Emerging Selves. The class studied the autobiographical impulse in women’s writing and I not only learned to improve my writing skills greatly, but I got to research incredible women who were all pioneers of literature and feminism. It might sound corny, but many of those incredibly strong women have become my role models. Of course, it didn’t help that my incredible teacher taught me new and interesting styles of writing and story-telling that I had never before considered. My teacher and the incredible female authors I studied each taught me that the power of writing – the power of words alone – is a mighty force.

So, what now? I have been through quite a journey to be sure. What began as a teenager’s desire to please her family and school while still treating a friend with kindness has transformed into something I am passionate about. I know the struggles that my friend went through and is still going through and though he is thankfully surrounded by loving people who support him no matter what, I know that many gay youth are not so lucky. I would like to explore opportunities while still here at UT to help gay youth understand that they are loved. Possible ways to do this would be helping out with university suicide hotlines and perhaps even just standing around near the FAC handing out flyers informing gay youth that it is OKAY to be homosexual – and even to be proud of it!(This image I found when searching for LGBT hotlines. image courtesy of:http://lgbtawayout.com/images/telephone-450.gif). However I feel that my efforts would best be utilized in educating people like me in the facts of homosexuality and helping those who have friends or family who are gay. I know that I have cultivated an ability to be a leader and I would like to use that in helping support the gay cause. I have recently begun researching student LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) organizations and found one here at the University of Texas OUTlaw which is affiliated with the law school. If I could somehow utilize the resources of one of these groups and offer my experience as a heterosexual, Christian supporter of the LGBT community – perhaps sharing my own journey of denial, confusion, and difficulty with my friend’s coming out in speeches at events where people like myself would attend – that would be a concrete way for me to make a difference while still living here at UT. I am also interested especially in sharing my views with those with a strict Christian upbringing who might want to learn more about homosexuality but feel that even questioning what they have been taught might be a sin. How to do this? I find I am drawn to considering my original coping mechanism – writing. I believe I was given a gift in the fact that not only do I enjoy writing but I am actually kind of good at it. If I could use my ability to put my own experiences and feelings onto paper and into websites, magazines, and essays that confused students like myself could read, then I would consider that a manageable victory. When I get older and move to Los Angeles to hopefully begin a career in the television industry, it would be a dream of mine to create or write for a series that enlightens people about homosexuality. If I end up pursuing my dream of running a major television network, I dream of putting a show on the air that breaks all boundaries when it comes to homosexuality – and actually have people enjoy an accept it without causing a huge debate in the country. It would be a stretch, certainly, but if enough people become passionate about this cause then something like that might just be possible.

Word count: 1,995

Alice and Diversity Leadership Plan

http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=124282

A lot of you gave examples of your own difficulty in dealing with diversity. Let’s discuss some of that, if anyone wants to volunteer…

Katherine: Like Alice, we have all been put into situations where there are many different types of people, and at times we don’t know how to react. College is a perfect example. There are so many different types of people here. People with different interests, different opinions, backgrounds, religions....the list can go on and on.

Helen: In this way, Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland relates in so many ways to our college experience. Just like Alice, we’re thrown into this strange, new world. All of our previous ideas and habits do not apply in this entirely different world called college. More importantly, we must learn to deal with the good and bad of diversity.

Jade: In particular, in this World Literature class, we have studied a plethora of cultures and issues. From studying books and movies to participating in experiential learning with the Pow Wow, Navratri, and more, we can learn to understand and better appreciate the wonderful diversity on the UT campus.

Molly: Alice’s adventures mirror our own experiences as students of a large university. In my seven months here at UT, I’ve met a more diverse group of people in one place than ever before in my life. And though I’ve been fortunate enough not to have to constantly adjust my comments and actions to animal sensibilities, my experiences have certainly made me more conscientious.

Alex: Until I moved to the United States, I had never met a black person, an Indian, a Chinese, a white person, or whatever. I had difficult time adjusting to the diversity, as in cultural diversity. Americans, regardless of race, thought and acted differently.

Jose: Here in Austin, where our campus is located in such a diverse and interesting part of town, I have learned to accept all walks of life. I have learned to walk past the residents of the drag without being scare for my safety, I have learned to accept the gay couple holding hands in front of me, and I have learned to appreciate the fact that there are vast numbers of foreigners and minorities that dot our campus (St. John's was a pretty homogeneous school.

Emily: We have trouble accepting what we don’t know. For me, I had trouble accepting the concept of ahimsa.

Do you think Alice’s missteps with the creatures are functions of her innocence, age, ignorance or all three? Were her attempts at recovery admirable or was it "too little too late"? Did you think Alice was making all the mistakes alone or did you think some of the animals' demands were unreasonable?

Alice: I don’t blame Alice for getting flustered by this treatment. When she first meets the caterpillar he is very bossy and condescending to her, and she is just lost and confused. He is extremely reactionary and causes Alice to wish “the creatures wouldn’t be so easily offended! (53)”

Molly: Most of the time, problems arise simply from a failure to think before speaking. Alice, for instance, has never had to tiptoe around the subject of cats around humans, so she doesn’t even think about the effects that the subject could have on her beaked or furred acquaintances

Helen: Her ability to withstand such oddities is certainly admirable. She meets the March Hare, the Hatter, and the Dormouse. She deals with their strange tea party, view of Time, and habit of asking riddles with no answers.

Jose: A good majority of the inhabitants are anthropomorphic creatures, and Alice, while a little shocked by their existence, essentially treats them with respect and kindness in the same way she would treat a fellow human being.

Alice: Generally, the wonderland creatures are more intolerant of Alice then she is of them, though she may make a few faux-pas simply by way of being ignorant of the strange social conditions of wonderland.

What did Alice's adventures teach you about how best to approach issues of diversity?

Helen: In learning others’ perspectives, it is important that we assess what we have learned and gain greater understanding and truth from it.

Lauren: I don't think it's a bad thing to be uncomfortable with diversity when you first see it, as long as you learn to accept it and, beyond that...

Chris: Dealing with diversity necessitates two states of mind. One, a person must be “innocent” or free from prejudice. Second, a person must understand the background of such diversity

Helen: Just as much as the diversity of Wonderland teaches us to keep an open mind and learn from others, Alice’s encounters also remind us to be cautious in our acceptance of others’ beliefs.

We all agreed that Alice made some serious faux-pas when interacting with the Wonderland and Looking Glass creatures around her. By the end of both novels, do you think she had improved her skills with dealing with diversity or continued to make the same mistakes?

Jade: Gradually, Alice learns how to deal with diversity better by understanding the world from their perspective and by listening to them. She accepts the strange world of Wonderland, inquisitively exploring her surroundings with her curious nature

Alice: it is true that she slowly learns to be more comfortable in her new and strange environment and thus more accepting of the creatures there. By the end of Through the Looking Glass, when characters are morphing all around her, “at any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at this, but she was far too much excited to be surprised at anything now (266).” By the end, Alice has become acclimated to the constantly shifting and new world she’s in, and is no longer afraid or in contempt of the things she doesn’t understand.

Katherine: Gradually, however, Alice’s responses to the bizarre situations she encounters beyond the looking glass become less awkward and she makes fewer mistakes. She begins to treat the animals and people of wonderland like we would expect her to treat her friends and acquaintances back home, caring for the white king and the white knight and responding to situations with careful attention to what the consequences of her speech will be

Alex: Alice never really seems to cope with diversity in Alice in Wonderland. Even at the end of the book, she offends the cards, which brings her demise in the dream: "'Who cares for you?' said Alice (she had grown to her full size by this time). 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'"

Lauren: However, I must ask myself: at the end of the looking glass, how much has Alice really grown? Is she REALLY that much more accepting of diversity? I think that she has grown, but not as much as I'd like her to.

Alice and Diversity

The dull bulb casting light over the classroom suddenly seemed too bright. It illuminated my already crimson cheeks and, if it was possible, made me more embarrassed and uncomfortable than I thought I could be.

“Now would be a good time for the floor to swallow me up,” I thought, as I stumbled over my words in an attempt to back peddle my way out of an already awkward situation. “Oh, no, I mean, I just meant….or, um, I just assumed….” The words spilled out of my mouth as fast as they could. “I just assumed”. It was the truth.

It had been another typical freshman year English class; all of the girls sitting cross-legged in a circle in the center of the room between desks rotated and carefully designed so as to provide the perfect back-rests for us to lean on as our conversations drifted from The Sound of Waves into the definition of purity in our modern society, and, later, into much more frivolous – yet just as enjoyable – topics of boyfriends, friend-issues, and calling teachers by their first names. Mr. Pirani had tried admirably to keep us on-topic (“Girls, what we’re discussing should at least have the pretense of relating to literature, please!”), but it had been 13 girls against one teacher and he’d finally given up and joined the conversation with us. That’s when our conversation of teachers’ surnames had turned to him.

“Ayaz? That is such a cool name. What does it mean?” my words came slightly muffled as I casually tossed another kernel of popcorn into my mouth. Casually; without thinking. In hindsight, my level of ignorance was appalling.

When his eyes dropped and his shoulders tightened, I knew I had said something wrong.

“You know, why is it that a name, if it is different, if it’s foreign, or if it’s ‘not American’,” he began, using air-quotes to accentuate his disdain, “has to mean something? I have to say I take offense at the question, just because of certain childhood memories it conjures up. It’s just Ayaz, and it doesn’t mean anything.”

I tried to listen as he explained being teased as an 8 year old for looking “different” and detailed the patronizing way he had been prodded by adults and children alike all his life with statements of “what a unique name he had”, and questions like “what does it mean?”. But even as he explained that he did not intend to embarrass me, and that he knew I “meant no harm” in my question, I found myself startlingly unable to focus on any coherent thought other than deep anger and shame for my own ignorance, as was probably evident to the now silent room, seeing as how my eyes were beginning to grow glassy and my face struggled to keep its composure. My intention, as is always the case with ignorance, no matter how good or noble it may have been, was irrelevant. The fact was simple: I had assumed that, because ‘Ayaz’ was not a typical American name, it had to have a definition, a symbolic meaning, a reason for such a strange word to be attached to my teacher. It was, as I have unfortunately come to accept, the quintessential American knee-jerk reaction to anything unfamiliar or confusing. Casually spoken, bluntly phrased, readily assumed – it was an ignorant question, one that I will always regret.

When considering Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass in terms of diversity, this memory of mine was the first story to come to mind. Alice makes many faux-pas throughout the story, most especially during instances when she offends the animals. The case with Alice, like with my aforementioned faux-pas, is most frequently that she is simply ignorant of the customs of the animals around her. In Through the Looking Glass, Alice sees how small the White King is and, assuming that he must need help getting up to a table because of his size, muses “Why, you’ll be hours and hours getting to the table, at that rate. I’d far better help you, hadn’t I?” (Carroll, 146). Simply because the king was tiny, Alice assumes that he cannot do as he wishes without her help. The occasion clearly flusters and infuriates the king who, “was far too much astonished to cry out, but his eyes and mouth went on getting larger and larger, and rounder and rounder,” (Carroll, 146). Again, Alice chooses to consider the king’s feelings as lesser than her own out of pure ignorance and laughs at his terror, begging him “Oh! Please don’t make such faces, my dear! You make me laugh so that I can hardly hold you!” (Carroll, 146). (image courtesy of:http://me414.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/ignorance.jpg).

Another instance of Alice’s ignorance when it comes to diversity is seen in the case of her interactions with the mouse. Many of my classmates have cited this example in their DB’s tonight because it is arguably the most egregious case of ignorance on Alice’s part. Not only does she bring up her cat to the mouse, asking him “ou est ma chatte?” (Carroll, 26), but she offends him again later in the novel when she mistakenly thinks he is talking about his tail and insults him saying, “it is a long tail, certainly,” (Carroll, 33). The mouse consequently scolds her for not paying attention during his story and tells her, “you insult me by talking such nonsense!” (Carroll, 35). In both instances Alice gamely tries, just like I did with my teacher, to apologize and make up for hurting his feelings; “Are you – are you fond – of - of dogs?” she questions the mouse feebly after learning of his aversion to cats (Carroll, 35). Also like me, Alice’s attempts only succeed in her putting her foot further in her mouth, so to speak.

The thing I found most ironic about both of these instances is that Alice did not begin either argument with an attempt at hurting any of the creatures’ feelings. In fact, she goes out of her way – at least in the beginning of the story – to be as polite as possible. She barely even knows herself at this point, we have to remember. Like she said, “I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think, was I the same when I woke up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is: who in the world am I?” (Carroll, 23). Because of this, she is extra careful, surrounded by completely new creatures in a completely new world where she doesn’t even feel like herself, to be as nice as possible to all her new friends.

However, what makes my experience different from Alice is that I’d like to think I learned from my mistake. I can’t really say the same for Alice. Just after the mouse leaves Alice and her group of animal friends in a huff, she muses to herself “I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!” (Carroll, 35). With birds and other small animals standing nearby, she proceeds to elaborate that, “Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a capital one for catching mice, you can’t think! And, oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she’ll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!” (Carroll, 35). Carroll then describes a ruckus that follows, in which “some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully [….] and a Canary called out in a trembling voice, to its children, ‘Come away, my dears! It’s high time you were all in bed!” (Carroll, 36).(Um.... of course a bird is going to be scared of a cat! Come on, Alice! image courtesy of:http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/74/Cat-eating-prey.jpg). Alice laments to herself afterwards that she “wish[es] [she] hadn’t mentioned Dinah [for] nobody seems to like her down here,” (Carroll, 36). But, this being the second time she has regretted bringing up her cat, the reader finds it harder to forgive Alice or believe that her mistake was purely an accident. Just because she does not understand what about the culture of the animals makes them not want to hear about her cat does not mean that she can’t learn from her original mistake and attempt to adhere to the diversity rules around her. Instead, she continues on her path of ignorance, thereby upsetting everyone around her.

Siddhartha 3 Leadership Plan

A very important question asked us in this course ALL the time is “Who are you?” Many of you drew connections from that question to Siddhartha’s journey, though I had never considered his journey to be one of finding himself, but more of finding the best version of himself. Which do you think it is? Which do you think is more important: finding who you are and finding who you should be?

Molly: The central conflict of Siddhartha is that “Siddhartha didn’t please himself; he didn’t bring himself joy” (Hesse, 7) because he doesn’t know himself. If asked to write his own P1, he might even be unable to find his own totem animal.

Sharad: People get focused on what they want to be 10-20 years down the road. They forget to live in the present, fail to see who they're turning into. People base their careers off of how they want to retire or what they want their legacy to be

Jade: Siddhartha answers this question after years of searching, and only after he experiences the entire spectrum does he confidently settle down with one identity. “I reviewed my life and it was also a river, and Siddhartha the boy, Siddhartha the mature man and Siddhartha the old man, were only separated by shadows, not through reality” (Hesse 87). He matures from his past experiences and is now able to appreciate how his previous “roles” have shaped the person he is today.

Chris: Siddhartha spends the whole novel searching for enlightenment but in reality is going through a”soul-searching” that all individuals go through in order to answer the question, “who am I?

Helen: Unlike most kids in his town, Siddhartha is known for his remarkable thirst for knowledge. He sets out leaving his home to gain a greater understanding of the world, the purpose of life

Emily: Emily: To me, you have to be looking out for something in particular to be able to listen. Siddhartha was looking for the meaning of life and was on a sure path to find peace and enlightenment.

Project 4 is going to focus on leadership. What I learned about leadership when reading Siddhartha while considering our course goals was that there are many different types of leaders: quiet, loud, sincere, unsure, willing, unwilling, good, bad – the list is endless. What kind of leader do you think Siddhartha is? What kind of leader do you think he tries to be?

Alex: Siddhartha is an example of a passive leader; he advises others when they seek him, but he does not try to spread the wisdom he found

Lauren: Siddhartha was a leader to Govinda in the first part of the novel, and after Govinda left Siddhartha kept trying to lead, but eventually he had to realize that it was sort of his time to follow, and though he wasn't a follower in the sense that he did listened to everything the ferryman said without question, he did sort of adopt his lifestyle.

Chris: I guess in that way we can learn from Siddhartha that being a leader is “more about composition of self” (P4 instructions) and being able to listen and empathize with others.

Alice: I personally feel that leadership comes from having creative solutions to problems and being willing to take risks to let those solutions come into reality. Siddhartha displays this trait of a leader completely. He is never satisfied with pre-existing knowledge; he must solve the problems of his identity and of the universe through his own methods.

Jose: It seems almost paradoxical, but in many ways some of the world's greatest leaders MUST be willing to not accept the advice of others. Intiution is an important aspect of leadership, but at the same time I think advice from important leaders and thinker in our society should never be totally ignored.

Katherine: While I wasn’t sure of Siddhartha’s outright leadership skills, he exhibits the other “six traditional core values of U.T.”: “individual opportunity; discovery; learning; freedom; responsibility.” (Course goals)

Molly: However, once Siddhartha opens his mind to what others have to teach him, he finds wisdom in the river

Helen: In a way, at the start of each journey, Siddhartha creates his own leadership vision, stating what kind of person he wants to be and what he wants to accomplish.

When we first see Siddhartha he sees himself as “better” or more superior to many of those around him. This changes drastically by the end of the novel. Which aspects of our course goals and overall themes of this course does this call to your mind?

Helen: In essence, Siddhartha achieves one of the most important goals of this course and replaces “fear and greed with love, compassion, tolerance, and the sympathetic imagination” (Course Goals).

Katherine: We are told to “accept ambiguity and multiplicity at first,” (P4 instructions) something which Siddhartha did in an unconventional way. At the beginning of his journey, he really only saw one appropriate and complete way of life and became a samsara. Gradually, however, he realized that he wanted to enter the real world and opened his eyes to a different way of life.

When the book ended, many of you – including myself – felt disappointed that we did not get to see Siddhartha go back into the world and live as a newly enlightened individual. Did you feel this way? If so, what do you think would have been the result of Siddhartha re-entering the real world? Are there similarities to the way we will leave this class and the way Siddhartha leaves his various teachers behind? Differences?

Jose: Siddharta was searching for something incredibly personal, to the point that teachers and teachings were useless. We are learning to be leaders for the benefit OF society, and as such we must learn from those who came before us to teach us what exactly we can do to benefit society.

Chris: I kind of thought Siddhartha’s conclusion was that leadership is limited. Siddhartha’s aim is not to “become the kind of person who can lead others for the benefit of society” (P4 instructions)

Alex: The question imposed in option two of P4 is, "How can I become the kind of person who can lead others for the benefit of society?" (P4 Instructions). Siddhartha is an example of a passive leader; he advises others when they seek him, but he does not try to spread the wisdom he found. I, however, want to be an active leader who seeks different ways to benefit the society.

Katherine: As I’ve said before and in class, I’m not sure that Siddhartha did enough. Sure, I think he got himself figured out and achieved a state any of us would—and probably do—envy. But did he go far enough? Wouldn’t the “ultimate end” (as we said at the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party this past Saturday) have been to transform not only his life but “lives for the benefit of society” as we are urged to do?

Siddhartha 3

Siddhartha’s relationship with his son fascinated me the most out of everything I read in Hesse’s book. Here we follow the path of a man who spends all of his energy searching, trying to better himself. And yet, he has a son who – possibly because of his father’s constant searching – has absolutely no desire to do as his father does or even do as his father wants. We see the young Siddhartha commonly treat his father with undisguised disdain and rage, for instance when he screams at his father, “Get the brushwood for yourself! I’m not your servant,” (Hesse, 115). Yet, his father loves him so much that he refuses to discipline him or do anything other than hope his son’s life will turn around, at least in the beginning. “He sensed quite strongly that this blind love for his son was a passion, something very human,”notes the novel, and it is also noted that Siddhartha believes that, “this pleasure also must be atoned for,” (Hesse, 114). Through all of this, Siddhartha’s son continues to be a character rather hated by the reader (well, at least by me), especially when it is noted, “the son let [Siddhartha] commit foolish acts, let him court his affection while Siddhartha humiliated himself every day by giving in to the boy’s moods,” (Hesse, 114).

That’s why, when I came across the question, “If your life were to end now what would the torch represent that you would pass on to the next generation?” after reading through the Project Four Instructions, (P4 Instructions), I immediately began to consider Siddhartha’s quest to be a good father to his son who, disillusioned with Siddhartha’s and his life and friendships with the ferrymen, rebels against his father. Siddhartha “understood that his son did not know him, and that he could not live him like a father,” (Hesse, 109) and yet he did not know how to mold the boy into the kind of man Siddhartha felt he should grow up to be, for “he slowly saw and also understood that the eleven-year-old boy was pampered, that he was a mother’s boy, and that he had grown up with the habits of wealthy people,” (Hesse, 109).

Our course goals describe attempting leadership as “accept[ing] this responsibility [of leading] and to truly be an agent for positive change,” (Course Goals). Siddhartha was incredibly concerned with bringing about positive change for his son, about passing on the torch of his newly enlightened life into his son’s own and not sending his son into the world to make the same mistakes Siddhartha himself had. When I read this I could not help thinking about all the pushy "stage mothers" I have seen in my time as a competitive swimmer. Luckily for me, neither of my parents were particularly obsessed with my swimming career, for they only wanted me to be as happy and well-rounded as I could be. But, being in the sport at such a young age, I saw plenty of horror stories of mothers who bribed their children with money, stuffed animals, even Disneyland tickets if their children swam fast in a meet. However, if the child performed poorly, the mothers would go into a rage. This left the kids - many of them my close friends - hating the sport of swimming because they felt as though their mom's love was tied to whether or not they could swim fast. The pressure of it all sucked all of the fun out of swimming for them. I later realized that many of these parents were themselves former swimmers or athletes who wanted their children to have the life they had. or, even more dangerous, they were parents who never got as good at swimming as their children did and saw their kids as a perfect proxy through which they could re-live their lives as athletes. Most of them didn't mean any harm, they simply wanted better for their kids than they had growing up. But, rather than allow their kids to grow on their own, their pushing could lead to serious scars - some of which, as was the case for one of my closest friends whose mother pushed her too hard to be a good swimmer, last long into their college and adult years.("Stage mothers" as they are known in athletics, attempted to live vicariously through their own kids. Siddhartha exemplifies a little of this, I think. image courtesy of:http://www.wowowow.com/files/imagecache/300x/2008_0904_shutterstock_stagemom.jpg).

“How am I going to put him, who doesn’t have a tender heart anyways, into this world? Won’t he become enthusiastic, lose himself to pleasure and power, repeat all of his father’s mistakes, and get entirely lost in Samsara?” Sidhartha worried aloud to the ferryman at one point (Hesse, 112). However, the reality of it was, the problem was not in the boy’s view of the world, but in his view of Siddhartha. The young Siddhartha sees his father’s attempts to fulfill what we are taught to fulfill in our course goals: “to think for your self, decreasing reliance on secondary sources, practicing what is known as active, experiential or discovery learning,” (Course Goals). However, instead of seeing his father’s quest as a noble one, he is young, naïve, and self-centered enough to think that his father is simply trying to seek self-awareness and the ability to think for himself in order to punish his son. Said the boy to his father, “I do know, however, that you won’t dare hit me; I know that you constantly want to punish me and subdue me with your religion devotion and indulgence. You want me to become just as devout, soft, and wise as you!” (Hesse, 115).

It is only when his son runs away that Siddhartha is able to sever the poisonous tie that he has with his son and allows the boy to do what is most important to his well-being – let him make his own mistakes. Vasudeva helps Siddhartha come to this conclusion when he questions him, “Do you think, my friend, that anyone is spared from this path? That, perhaps, your little son would be spared because you love him and want to keep him from suffering, pain, and disappointment? But even if you would die ten times for him, you would not be able to take even the slightest part of his destiny upon yourself,” (Hesse, 113). Siddhartha realizes then, as he looks back on his own younger years and sees himself with Kamala, living and learning and making choices that would set him on the path he is today, that the way he can be a true leader to his son is by letting him go. He had spent so long worrying that he must set the perfect example for his son – and that he must make sure his son subscribed to the same theories of life that he did – so as to ensure that Siddhartha would pass on the “right” torch to his boy.(Siddhartha found himself so focused on setting a good example for his son that he didn't realize that it was his own actions that were causing his son to resent him - and to choose the exact OPPOSITE path of his father. image courtesy of: http://www.thepracticeofleadership.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/walkthewalk-thumb.jpg). Through this, he forgot what made him grow up as a boy and forgot how important it was for him to find his OWN path – on his own. To come full circle with our course goals, what I took this to mean that there is more than one type of leader and more than one form of leadership. Siddhartha had to learn that the hard way and, if Vasudeva was correct, so would his son.

Siddhartha 2: Letting Go

“Siddhartha stopped fighting his fate this very hour, and he stopped suffering.” (Hesse, 127). The prompt for today’s discussion board entry entailed comparing our journey to Siddhartha’s - even including looking back at our road map for guidance. I struggled initially with how I would do this, but after I came across the aforementioned line, I knew exactly how my journey was similar to Siddhartha’s.

As I have written about before and many of you know, I suffered an extreme back injury one and a half years ago. Before that time I had been a good swimmer; very dedicated to my craft and very motivated to achieve the goals and expectations that not only I had for myself, but others had for me. After I hurt my back, I spent a year and a half trying to salvage whatever “it” was that had made me a fast swimmer in the first place. I went through several stages of “grief”, I guess you could call it, after I was injured. The first few months I spent in denial that I was really hurt. I didn’t believe it when doctor after doctor told me that I should not swim anymore or run ever again. I refused to believe that I was even hurt that badly, refused to believe that my injury was anything more than a passing phase. Then, when it became clear that I was dealing with something serious, I got angry. I had no patience for anyone around me, I became withdrawn and quiet at school and with friends. There it was, my senior year of high school – what is supposed to be the happiest time of my teenage life – and I was miserable. (There was no joy in my eyes anymore when it came to swimming during the year and a half of my injury. image courtesy of:http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2008/1107/rise_e_Beck033_300.jpg).

Almost a year since getting my injury, I finally was given a diagnosis on what was wrong with me. That was when my real troubles started. ‘Now that I know how to fix this, everything is going to be fine,’ I thought to myself. The only problem? Being virtually without training for almost a year had put me severely out of shape. I spent the next six months beating my body into the ground, trying desperately to get back into shape. I worked harder than I ever had before in my life: physically and mentally. I trained constantly, my nutrition was flawless, I met with a sports psychologist regularly, watched video after video of Olympic races trying to memorize the technique of champions. I became obsessed with finding my way back to where I had been. I became obsessed with becoming good again.

I see so much of my struggle in Siddhartha’s. Though I never felt as strongly as to threaten suicide like Siddhartha, I did feel as he did, “so lost and so forsaken,” (Hesse, 84). He had spent his entire life on a journey seeking spiritual enlightenment, just as I had spent my entire life on a journey to become an Olympic swimmer. I felt so much pressure to please the people around me, to not let them down, that I tortured myself to reach that goal. (I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders when I swam and after every race, just like this one, I couldn't help looking around at the crowd afterwards to make sure I'd pleased those who were cheering me on. image courtesy of:http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/pt/slideshows/2006/09/ldr_1418/embed/images/080211_NS_04HOCKADAYswimmer8_emb.jpg)The search had exhausted and disappointed both of us to the point where we didn’t see how things could ever get better.

The change, for me, came exactly as it did to Siddhartha. I realized that putting all of this pressure on myself to become good again was futile. My entire life had become about racing the clock, getting myself back into shape and injury-free in time to compete in college, in time to make the Olympic team. I was putting all of this pressure on myself to perform the way I used to so I wouldn't let the people around me down and I stopped remembering why I had loved the sport in the first place. It wasn't because of the times or the gold medals or the glory. After all, “Were not all sufferings then time, and were not all self-torments and personal fears time?” (Hesse, 101). I was a swimmer because I love the water, because I love the friends I've made through it, because I love to race. Siddhartha and I both realized that this journey we were so desperately trying to make reach a “perfect” climax was not something that can be forced. It is something that - when you let go, relax, and just let it flow like a river - comes naturally. (I found this picture at a meditation website. The caption read "relax and float down the river" image courtesy of:http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=river%20flow&aql=&oq=&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi).

Sure enough, last weekend at the Big 12 Championships, I did just that. I told myself not to care about what my time was in my race or what place I got. I told myself that if I didn't go fast, it would be okay, that the constraints of time were not going to do anything other than stress me out. I told myself, ‘Just race, spin.’ I finally swam faster than I did before my back was hurt, I finally felt the confidence I felt before my injury, and I finally felt content and completely pressure-free. “It took me many years to lose my spirit, to unlearn thinking and forget the unity,” says Siddhartha to himself at one point in the novel (Hesse, 91). I feel this is true for me as well. “I’ve had to experience despair […] in order to be able to experience divine grace,” (Hesse, 91) and it has definitely been worth it. Sometimes, Siddhartha and I both learned, letting the river take you where it will (or, in my case, the pool) and letting go is the key to the whole journey. Now I am content in knowing, as Siddhartha did, that "this path is foolish; it moves in hoops, and perhaps it is going around in a circle. Let it go where it likes; I want to follow it." (Hesse, 91).

(This is an interview I did exactly one month before I hurt my back. The person I was back then was confident and I swam effortlessly. It took a lot of struggles and a lot of pushing myself way too hard, but i finally learned how to achieve that zen-like state again and am finally back to where I want to be. video courtesy of:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF6jDVgjmvY).

Siddhartha 1

Reading about Siddhartha’s life as a Hindu follower and eventual decision to leave his father and elders’ teachings for a life that many see as barbaric and completely different from what he has always been taught is good reminded me of a decision I made, once.

I have written on this blog a lot recently about the strict Christian school I grew up attending from first through the eighth grade. This school was unique to what I found most “Christian” schools to be in that it was not a Jesuit school founded under Christian principles that taught secularly – it was a fully Christian establishment and everything, from the lessons to the teachers, were centered around that. Any religion outside of Christianity was scorned and any student who was Muslim, Jewish, or anything else besides Christian was not admitted into the school. We were taught about the Bible in Bible class, in math class, even during playtime there would be games for us to play where you could only win by memorizing the most Bible verses. The problem I had with the school, however, was not so much how they taught us these things but WHAT they taught us. I was taught at this school that those who did not believe that Jesus was our savior, who were not Christians, should be punished. I was taught that Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, and all other religions were not only wrong but evil. We were taught over and over again the story of Jesus, but we were never asked to forgive or to love our neighbor when it came to people around us who were not Christians. The entire program was based on judgment and not on compassion.

When I graduated from middle school I was enrolled in a secular, all-girls private school where I spent all of my high school years. This school was the opposite of my middle school in just about every way. It had four “cornerstones” that we as students were all supposed to live up to and they were: academics, courtesy, character, and athletics. The teachers at this school were obsessed with exploration, with learning more about other cultures and religions and belief systems. The students were open-minded, motivated, and accepting of one another. When I began school there, I felt like I was finally able to breathe. I realized then what a hugely skewed view of the world I had gotten at my old school. (This is the crest of my high school. The translated text reads, "virtue through knowledge" - something I definitely support and something that was a far different message than that of my middle school. image courtesy of: http://image.absoluteastronomy.com/images/topicimages/t/th/the_hockaday_school.gif)

Though my experience is much less intense, this is what I was reminded of as I read about Siddhartha’s journey. Though Siddhartha travels through many different “tribes” and spends much more time searching for his truths than I had to, I still saw similarities in the way he sifted through the information that was given to him and decided – completely on his own – what was right and what was wrong for him personally regarding each group of people he lived with.(Siddhartha spent a lot of time just like me - thinking, meditating, and pondering the paths he should take in his life. image courtesy of: http://www.bullentea.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/prince-siddhartha.jpg).

At one point Govinda says to him, “had you remained [with the Samana’s], you truly would have learned to walk on water,” (Siddhartha, 26). This reminded me of the sort of “guilt” I was made to feel when I left my school for a different high school rather than staying and finishing out my schooling there. Teachers and friends implied that I would never reach a spiritual apex at a secular school like the one I was leaving to attend and that staying at my school was the only way I could continue to learn more about God and continue to be a servant of His. Little did they know, I would end up growing even stronger in my faith once I went to my new school. Only the difference was, I was able to do so while learning about other religions at the same time and even continue to respect others for their beliefs as well. After all, as Siddhartha responds to Govinda, “I don’t have any desire to walk on water, let the old Samanas satisfy themselves with such tricks.” (Siddhartha, 26). I feel the same way.